the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
