I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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