she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
