So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
