I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
