Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
