my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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