im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
