He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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