So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
