I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Panties = found
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
