maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
