Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize