what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
