I cockslap morals
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
