my room smells like sperm. sweet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
