8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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