HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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