Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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