It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
