my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
