Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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