I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
