shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
