Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
