I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
