yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
