So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
