Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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