no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
