the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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