he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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