now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
