I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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