I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
