its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
