She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
