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• (305): View more from Florida

  It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.

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• (980): View more from North Carolina

  My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."

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• (406): View more from Montana

  My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I agree and I would be an awesome dog

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on

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• (585): View more from New York

  wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat

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