my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
