I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My penis needs a shock collar
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize