So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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