Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
