I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We are all done wearing pants today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
His nipple licking is glorious
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