I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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