Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
