im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
