Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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