You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
