ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
