Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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