I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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