I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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