My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize