I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
