I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
