ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize