I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
