Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
