Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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