already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
