I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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