We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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