brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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