This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
