I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
