Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
