just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize