So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
