I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
