my being single is dangerous.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
