you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
