I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
