My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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