I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am naked and annoyed.
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