Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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