for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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