Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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